


GIFTED.

by junsnow



Series: SPRING. [2]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Comedy, F/M, God I hope this was funny, Humor, Jon is a dumbass basically, Jonsa Spring Challenge, Modern AU, Smut, but Sansa finds that really hot, this is not a serious story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-17 18:37:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14195214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junsnow/pseuds/junsnow
Summary: Jon is an idiot. Sansa finds that irresistible.





	GIFTED.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this tumblr post](http://discoursethot.tumblr.com/post/171240598323/discoursethot-im-proud-to-identify-as) and some funny headcanons I shared with my buddy Sam. I can't tell how bad or good this is because it's one in the morning and I have a morning class in seven hours time. Forgive me.

“Why are you in my room?” Sansa asked, looking him up and down with her mouth open in shock. “And _why are you naked_?”

 

If his life was a comedy, this is when the frame would freeze along with the sound of a record scratch, and Jon’s voiceover would say: _You’re probably wondering how I got into this situation._

Well… it all started two days ago. And if he had to blame someone (and he _does_ ), it would be Theon.

 

***

**_Two days earlier_ **

 

They were sitting in sofa in the flat’s living room, watching old cartoons.

 

“What kind of animal is the pink panther anyways?”

 

Theon and Sansa turned to stare at him. Theon had his usual are-you-fucking-kidding-me look, but Sansa looked at him strangely, biting her lip and pressing her thighs together next to him. _Weird._

 

“What?” Jon asked.

 

“He’s a _panther_ , Jonathan. What the hell.”

 

“Don’t call me that.”

 

“Whatever. What are getting for dinner? Don’t say Chinese again.”

 

“I don’t know about you guys, but I’m in the mood for Mexican,” said Sansa.

 

“Yeah, same,” agreed Jon. “I could go for a…what’s the Spanish word for taco?”

 

“Jesus _Christ_ ,” Theon groaned.

 

“I’ll go get the menus,” mumbled Sansa before rushing out of the room.

 

Jon leaned into Theon before asking with a whisper “Did Sansa just blush, or am I out of my mind?”

 

 “Oh you are, but yeah, she did.”

 

“Does she have a fever or something?”

 

Theon clasped his hand on Jon’s shoulder harshly, bringing him closer. “Listen up, Jonny. I’m gonna tell you a secret now.”

 

“Don’t call me that.”

 

“Sansa is a morosexual.” Theon continued without acknowledging the interruption.

 

“A _what_?”

 

“Like, a reverse sapiosexual, man, keep up.”

 

“Yeah, keep saying those words as if they mean anything.”

 

“It _means_ she’s attracted to dumbasses like yourself, you fucking dimwit.”

 

“I’m not—”

 

“Jon. Mate. Don’t make me say it.”

 

“I—”

 

“You once stuck a fork into a socket.”

 

“Hey, I was a child!”

 

“You were _thirteen_ , Jon.”

 

“Okay, that’s fair.” He paused. “You’re saying Sansa finds this hot?”

 

“Did you not notice the common denominator in all her exes?”

 

“Um…” Jon noticed he wanted to punch them all in the face. Did that count?

 

“They were all fucking idiots, Jon. You can relate.”

 

He let the insult slide. His mind was buzzing with possibilities. “So, you’re saying Sansa is attracted to me…because I keep saying stupid shit?”

 

“Yep, that’s exactly what I’m saying. She’s probably rubbing one out in the kitchen as we speak.”

 

Jon closed his eyes and imagined Sansa doing just that. _Fuck._

 

“Yeah, Jonny boy. You have a gift. Finally an upside for your unparalleled idiocy.” Theon clapped him in the back. “Hell, she makes me wish I was that stupid, too!” He laughed.

 

Jon glared at him.

 

***

 

**_Back to the present_ **

 

Thanks to Theon, it became clear to Jon what he had to do— _something really stupid._ Thankfully, that was Jon’s specialty.

 

“Jon?” Sansa’s voice roused him.

 

“Right! Okay. Funny story. True story! So, um…I was out of clean clothes today—you know I hate doing laundry.”

 

“Yes, so does the entirety of the human race, and?”

 

“I, uh, put the load into the washing machine. You know how I like tide pods?”

 

Sansa stared at him, looking worried and breathless at once. “Jon, please tell me you didn’t eat a Tide pod.”

 

“No! No, of course not! I mean, they look delicious, but—” Sansa groaned. “I did not eat any Tide pods, Sansa, I assure you. I did, however, put too many into the machine and, uh, it may have caused it to overflow and flood the laundry room.”

 

“Oh my _God_.”

 

Jon looked for signs or arousal. Pink cheeks? Check. Chest heaving? Check. Lip biting? Check. _Keep going, boy._

 

“So, I had to find something to clean the mess with. And I thought you’d have something.”

 

“You thought I’d have cleaning supplies in my bedroom?”

 

He didn’t, really, but he shrugged, hopefully looking like more of a fool with that weak explanation. Judging by the intense look in Sansa’s face, Jon thinks it worked.

 

“You fucking idiot…” She says with fascination. “Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—” Jon’s cock had twitched, and her eyes were drawn it. “Did you just get hard? From me calling you an idiot?”

 

“Well, you also look very hot, but yes, I suppose.”

 

“Jon. Do you have a roast kink?”

 

“I have no idea what that is,” he said honestly.

 

She sighed. “Do you get aroused when girls are mean to you?”

 

He thought back to his past girlfriends. Ygritte roasted him all the time. Val, too. The beginning of his decade-old crush on Sansa when they were kids and she was pretty mean to him back then…well, shit. That made sense, didn’t it? “…Yes.”

 

Sansa cocked her head to the side. “You beautiful moron.” Then, to Jon’s utmost surprise and delight, she takes her shirt off, showing off her lacy-clad breasts. “Come here, Jon.”

 

“So, you’re not helping me clean the laundry room, then?”

 

“ _Ughnn_ , you’re so fucking stupid.” She grabs his face and brings her mouth to his. They both moan at the contact; Jon wastes no time in bringing his hands to palm at her breasts. He tries to unclasp them at the back, without success.

 

“It’s a front clasp, dummy,” Sansa says between kisses, getting rid of the garment herself. He really should think on why being called out like that made him so horny, but well, his motto did say that was a problem for future Jon (he thanked Homer Simpson for that jewel of wisdom).

 

Next thing he knew, Sansa was getting rid of her pants, shoving one of his hands between her legs to feel how damp she was. He rid her of her underwear as they tumbled towards her bed.

 

Jon looked down at her body, all that silky skin on display making his mouth water.  He latched his mouth to a nipple, sucking lightly as he pinched the other with his forefinger and thumb. Sansa encouraged him, moaning his name and grasping his hair as he went down, down, lavishing with his tongue as he went. He reached her center, but instead of diving in, he spread her legs open, kissing those creamy thighs leisurely.

 

“Jon,” she whined. “Please…”

 

“Please, what?”

 

Sansa groaned. “Please eat me out.”

 

He threw her legs over his shoulders, finally giving in and tasting her with a long lick. She cursed loudly at that, making Jon thrust his hips against the mattress in response. _She tastes to so good, I can’t tell what I want more—keep eating her out all night long or fuck her._ His cock certainly knows which one it prefers, but Jon gets to work on her cunt, lapping around her clit as he brings two fingers to her entrance. When he feels she’s getting close, her moans getting louder and louder, he sucks on it.

 

Jon has to look up to see her cum for him for the first time. _What a sight._ He wants to do it ten times more if she’ll let him, tonight and any other night she’ll have him. He removes his fingers, sucking the digits clean before he sets out to lap at her again, savoring every inch of her cunt.

 

“Jon?” She asks, voice still hoarse from the sounds she was making.

 

“ _Mmpf_ , yes?” He replies with his face still buried between her legs.

 

“ _Fuck me_.” Jon doesn’t know how Sansa can manage to sound bossy and whiny at the same time, but _fuck_ , if it doesn’t make him impossibly harder. He groans, coming up to meet her mouth, and her tongue slips out to mingle with his in sloppy kiss.

 

“Do you have a condom?” He asks, feeling like a bigger idiot than ever for not having brought one with him.

 

“In the drawer.”

 

He rushes to get it, finding a whole box inside her nightstand. He thanks his lucky stars for that, because he plans to use a _lot more_ with her. She takes it from his hand, tearing the packaging open and slipping it down his cock with her dainty fingers, and Jon twitches again at the feeling. Then she’s pulling him close, closer, until he’s inside her, and he has to close his eyes and count to ten before he starts moving.

 

“ _Fuck._ You feel so good, Sansa. You have no idea.”

 

“ _Ahnn,_ shut up. I feel it too. Jon, harder, please.”

 

He starts rocking into her, gripping her thighs so hard he fears it will bruise, but Sansa doesn’t complain—on the contrary, she calls out his name in that delicious whimpering tone that makes Jon that much closer to orgasm. He won’t cum before she does, though, that he promises. He ups his tempo, bringing her legs up and closer to her sides so he can hit a deeper spot inside her, and she howls her approval.

 

She comes with a chorus of _Yes_ , and _please_ , and _Jon, Jon, Jon_. Her cunt tightens around him, and he lets go, seeing stars as he spills into the condom.

 

***

 

The next morning, Theon scowls at him as he makes his coffee.  “If I knew getting you laid would rob me of an entire night’s worth of sleep I wouldn’t have said anything. Loud fuckers.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if this is shit, I'm rly tired ajfhdjhdkfs


End file.
